To people who’ll never know #05

August 21st, 2008

“Will there be full moon today?”
“Yes”
“Would you like to come and look at it together?”
“Yes”
“I’ll buy some chocolate”

Midnight

The moon was big and bright, it was lightening everything. Today we were not laying on the ground. We were sitting in front of each other and eating chocolate.
“It seems you are addicted to it”
“Maybe”
“You should learn to make yourself happy in other ways”
“What other ways?”
“Hormones of happiness are making riding a bike”
“Do you have a bike?”
“Yes”
“It seems like tomorrow will be burning calories consumed with the chocolate”

I liked the fact he’s taking the initiative. I didn’t know if it was good or bad. And no fucking psychologist could help me.

August 22nd, 2008

“I brought you your book”
“Do you want one more?”
“Yea, you could give me it”
I hesitated, then gave him “Veronica decides to die” [I don’t know for sure]. I hoped that that one would be good. I just wanted him to read it.
Later it can be too late.
I chased this thought away.
“About suicide?”
I nodded.
He raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything.
“There is one nice forest near here. And paths are normal,” I said.
“We could ride there”

Hello, life, going to die... [some Lithuanian song]

August 23rd, 2008

“I can’t move,” I heard his voice through telephone.
“What would we do?”
“Come to my house”

His mother opened the doors. He was taking after her – same eyes, nose. Same hair. She was pale, there were circles under her eyes. She was talking in low voice. Her voice reflected how much she was tired.
“His room is in the end of the corridor,” she whispered.

Curtains were closed in his room. Everything was upside-down – there were clothes, exercise books, CDs lying on the floor. Near his bed was lying opened “Veronica decides to die”.
“Hi,” he welcomed.
“Hi”
“Don’t sit on my legs. They still hurt after yesterday”
He was lying in his bed, underneath part of his body was sheeted with a bedcover. His lower lip was shaking like he was going to cry.
“What happened?” I asked.
“My… brother…”
He started to cry. I was watching him mourning. I didn’t know what to do. I never have consoled crying people.
“He’s ten and he has leukemia”
I knew what leukemia is. Worst form of the cancer.
“Some days ago doctors were giving him six months. Now – only a week. I hate them… Doctors”
I didn’t say anything. I wanted to be a doctor myself. But now I wasn’t sure about it. It ain’t worth. If you can’t threat a disease. Or at least diagnose it betimes.
Blood cancer. You can’t operate or remove the blood. That’s because it’s so dangerous.
Worst form of the worst disease.
“Maybe you want… to visit him tomorrow?”
“Your brother?”
“Yes. Do you want?”
“Yea… If you want”