Me and my double

It’s my favorite yet. I wrote it after we finished “Don Quixote” (I didn’t like it.)

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are,” – Kurt Cobain.
When I was young and stupid, and the whole world was under my feet, it was only because I thought that if I act like honourable people act, I will be the same. I wanted to copy someone, from the color of my nails to belt style. (At least I had enough self-esteem to leave my natural hair color; let’s celebrate those small pleasures.) I was like Don Quixote, hopelessly trying to be a real knight. (Well, at least I didn’t fight with wind-mills, another small pleasure.)
“If there were no room for doubt, there would be no room for me,” – Frederick Buechner.
If I could remember the day when a seed of doubt was planted in my heart, it would be like second 16th of February for me. [In Lithuania – the Independence day] The seed needed sun, time and water to grow a plant of doubt and mature the fruits of self-confidence. Because I understood that if I lived the life for others, there would be no life left for me. There isn’t much of that life left; there are 24 hours in the day, and I like to sleep through 6 of them. I was afraid that I would become female punk rock version of Don Quixote, listening to the Who instead of reading knight novels and sold my soul to sounds of bass, though I didn’t know that character then.
“It’s not really my problem if they think I’m weird,” – Sid Vicious.
I understood that honorable people are those who fought for themselves and defended their opinion (because they had it; not everyone can defend it, and some are afraid to have) and they didn’t stumble on sinuous steps – and if they did stumble, they stood up and learnt from their mistakes. (Fool isn’t the one who slips, fool is the one who slips twice in same place.) And the most important – they said “no” when the whole world yelled “yes”, and their “no”, though it wasn’t louder than public’s “yes”, was heard.
“One who can lick, can bite too”
There are people who are fond of me. I like most of them because they are my friends. I am fond of some of them too; I honour them. I couldn’t be friends with someone who doesn’t honour himself (I just came up with a name for them – soul whores). I happened to see some people who copy others; I’m sorry for them. Sometimes I think that I was just like them. Then I think – what would be the feeling to meet someone who dresses just like me, thinks the same. “Truth is born while arguing,” my mom once said. Maybe she said it more times, but I didn’t listen to her. People sometimes need to renew themselves – it’s figuratively, I don’t talk about clothes. But you won’t change even them surfing the same, well know shelves of ‘Maxima’. [local shopping centre]