To people who’ll never know #07

August 25th, 2008

“Are you feeling better today?” I asked when we met.
“Maybe. I dunno”
The answer hasn’t changed much.
“You still haven’t give up?”
No, as you can see.
I’ll stand with you till the last minute.
But I wasn’t sure what I would do if he jumped off.
If. There still was some hope.
I could try to find someone so precious. Not much expectations. Maybe till my life ends I won’t find someone I could trust. And if one happened, I won’t let it go.
“I’m not that kind of human who you can conceive affection to”
“Is it worth to conceive an affection to anyone?”
“I don’t know”

Midnight

“I was thinking about what you’ve said about first kiss,” he said.
“And what?”
I tried to make my voice cold, but my heart winced. It’s been a long time since I’ve been dreaming about my first kiss. If it is so beautiful like others say.
I wanted to love someone. I didn’t want whole my life about true love hear just in Bon Jovi songs.
And I wanted him to kiss me. I didn’t care that this will be first and last kiss in my life. But I didn’t want to live just in my imagination. And I didn’t want someone else to wake me up from my dreams.
Again I nearly melted into tears.
I can’t think about him like about a dead person. He’s alive, sitting here near me.
“But don’t you think that kiss without love is worth nothing?” he asked.
I nodded thoughtfully. I felt my hopes melting. He didn’t saw and hear it. Maybe it was good.

Muse – Cave:

You can see it and you can almost hear it too
You can almost taste it…

And now – nothing.

August 26th, 2008

I received a text message from him.
“Could we be meeting at nights? I don’t have time at day”
“Okay, sure”
There were 10 days left.

Midnight

“Hi”
“Hi”
“Why don’t you have times at days? Are you sleeping?”
“I don’t sleep these days. I am afraid because of brother. I don’t want to be not near him when he… goes away”

August 27th, 2008

“He died”