To people who’ll never know #09

September 1st, 2008, midnight

“Please, don’t talk about school. My whole family talks just about that”
“Mine too”
“Thanks that yesterday you supported me. I thought that only I think so”
“Everyone thinks different. Sometimes their minds cross, but there aren’t two who think the same. Some want to pretend they are, but are only creeps. They don’t have their own opinion and tries to take it from others”
“I was that… hopeless. Not a creep, but not far from it”
“And who changed you?”
“You”

Withour a full moon everything wasn’ so well seen. Usually we brought flashlights and talked flashing to each other.

September 4th, 2008

Morning. I’m walking down the street and thinking. Tomorrow there will be just month. I didn’t know if I succeeded. Nobody could watch from the corner and comment. Suggest. If he dies now, that would be my fault.
Leafs were falling. Autumn. Season reflected my mood.
In autumn I started being depressed. Maybe it was not unpredictable because I was always in depression condition. I had already forgotten how to laugh. There wasn’t much to laugh at in these days.
Everytime I passed that house I mechanically started looking up. I didn’t know what I expected to see here. Another teenager wanting to commit suicide? What a stupid thought. There are many houses and there are prettier ways to do it than thwack on the street.
Maybe I was so got in head that I won’t see anybody that when I saw I didn’t believe it.

“What are you doing here?” I asked trying to catch my breathe.
He swore.
“You didn’t have to see that”
“What? How you jump off?”
“I‘m still thinking”
“Is it necessary to think standing on the edge of the roof?”
He thought for a moment.
“Maybe. Then you have two options”
I started crying. Down with it if he sees or not. Anyway he will jump soon.
“It ain’t possible to break you, is it?”
“Go to hell!”
There was a confusion in my head. How my mother would say – the sky mixes with earth. The only difference was that there was no sky or earth in my head.
My feeling were mixing – if I love him, will I jump off after him, will I know what to do…
I almost didn’t see the stairs through the tears. My Stairway to Heavenwas now Highway to Hell.
I went outside but I didn’t see anything. No human on the roof, no mince on the street.
Or he got wings and flew to the sky.
I heard nothing. Just floods and ebbs in my head.
Someone grabbed me on my shoulders and turned to other side.
“I’m sorry. I love you. Can I kiss you now?”
I was standind deadly all the eternity and then I nodded, and he kissed me.
My knees buckled. Maybe I would have fallen, but he was holding me tightly. Didn’t let me when I liquiefied. In my head sky and earth were still mixing.
“Yes. You were right. It’s worth to live. If you love someone”
I continued nodding.
“Say something”
“I… I… love you too”
I cuddled him. I didn’t wanted to let him now. I didn’t want to ever let him go.
“Thank you. I don’t want to live without you. Otherwise everything… everything would be purposeless. I am very happy I have met you”
“Me… too”
“Dammit, I don’t have any chocolate. But who needs it? Now you are my chocolate, my full moon, you help all my fucking existance”
People do strange things when they are in love.

End.